Today I need to join in the Weekly Ten on Tuesday (Carole@caroleknits.com)because I’ve been having a meltdown and I need to think of ten things that I feel good about. Right now. And I’m going to combine it with my 31 Days in October prompt for today: wake. Two for one.
For some reason I haven’t been dealing with things very well these past few days. I’ve been tired, mostly because I don’t sleep through the night since I’m always listening for Bo to get up so I can assist him. Last night he kept me up until 4:30. I’ve been letting our situation get to me, especially when I lie there awake, unable to get back to sleep.
It’s an awful, terrible, unbearable triangle that a caregiver lives: anger, pity and guilt. The anger builds up from the frustration of continual demands; the pity is both for myself and for poor Bo who wouldn’t want to live like this; and guilt because I have no right to become angry since he surely doesn’t do the things he does on purpose. Can’t cry because if I did, I might not stop.
And so, I’m going to list the ten things that I feel good about:
1. I had a party Saturday night for my friend Ine who’s moving to Chicago. I feel good about the party. (More about Ine leaving and how sad I am later.)
2. I love having Emma dog by my side. The weather is beautiful and I took her for a long walk in the woods this morning.
3. Charlie cat is a wonderful, sympathetic companion.
4. I love the lawn ghosts in our front yard dancing around a warm, lit “bonfire.” The kids and I made them last week.
Only four, and already I’m struggling.
5. Took my iPhone to the Apple store today and they recovered all of the past, present and future data that I thought I had lost on my calendar.
6. Jon (our caregiver) and family are going on a vacation next week. I’ll miss them terribly, but they deserve to have a good time together.
7. My next Philadelphia Orchestra concert is next Saturday — I love it!
Now I feel ungrateful. Of course, I feel good about my life. All I have to do is look at the news on TV and I feel good about everything I have. I continue…
8. I feel good about the care we give Bo.
9. I’m glad that I took Justin to his Cub Scout “Fun Day” last week — even about the archery and BB rifle activities and the serious hiking that we did together (even tho I was the only grandmother-type with a cub scout! Justin is such great company.)
10. I’m on a roll ….and I feel good about having a whole new family living with me.
Now that I’ve taken serious inventory, I feel good about a lot of things!